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Bruce and An(n)a, and The Circle of Life

Last Saturday was a tough day for Sherryl.  She began to feel "weird" early afternoon and, a few hours later, she wouldn't wake when one of us gently touched her shoulder and called her name.  We were scared because we didn't think Sherryl was going to make it through the night.  A little after 9:00pm, we called Hospice.  We were told a nurse would arrive at the house in about 45 minutes.  As promised, the nurse arrived at the door soon after our call: a male with a pleasant smile.  We introduced ourselves to him before taking him back to Sherryl's bedroom.  And he introduced himself to us.  "My name is Bruce," he said.  Not a common name, Bruce was our father's first name, too.

Once in the bedroom, Bruce stood over Sherryl, got her to respond to him, then answered our questions and gave his advice.  "Follow her lead," he told us.  "Continue to do what you're doing so she is comfortable."  And so we did.  Comfort care. 

Sherryl made it through the night and early Sunday, Nadine heard Sherryl calling her name loudly.  Sherryl had spilled her cup of juice and needed help.  She had the strength to reach for the cup, to try to take a sip, and then to shout Nadine's name -- quite a difference from not responding to us the night before.  As late as this morning, Sherryl continues to have moments when she's nearly as chatty as she's ever been.  Although her appetite has been close to nil, she enjoyed some applesauce yesterday and she continues to drink lots of liquids.

A different nurse from Hospice visited Sherryl today to assess and address medical needs.  And then an aid visited Sherryl to help her with non-medical care.  Sherryl felt relaxed and calm, and floated into another nap after being cared for by the aid.  The aid had a cheerful demeanor, she was very tender, and her name was Ana.  Our mother's name was Anna, too, with a minor difference in the way it was spelled.

And so, just as she was during the first months of her life, Sherryl  has now been in the adept and compassionate care of Bruce and An(n)a.  The circle of life.  It's always there, and you don't need to look very far to find it.

Nadine and I cried together on the phone later Sunday morning.  We were relieved that Sherryl had made it through the night and that some of her strength had returned.  And we believe it wasn't a coincidence that a caring human being  who had the same name as our father had joined us in our childhood home to help us with what we needed.  Vulnerable little girls again, Daddy had arrived.  "Mom and Dad are here," we sobbed on the phone.  "They're coming to  take their little girl, to help her find her way."  And then, although it couldn't be farther from the truth but the notion was just absurd enough to lend much-needed comic relief to the moment, we began to laugh hysterically. "Sure, Sherryl gets the personal escort! They'd send a bus for us!"

For Dad, who sailed the oceans of this world, one of Sherryl's favorite songs.

~xoxo~

A String to a Balloon

Sherryl has been resting as much as possible the past several days.  Her appetite is returning slowly, but she is experiencing some pain in her right hip.  She has difficulty walking, still uses her walker, and wants to do more walking each day -- even if it's only around the house.  She has an appointment with her oncologist this week and she's hoping the doctor will prescribe a mild medication for pain. 

Sherryl contacted Hospice by phone and spoke with a nurse case manager who told her she did not yet need Hospice's care, but now is a good time to understand all the program has to offer.  Sherryl scheduled an appointment at the Hospice Center the following week to meet with the case manager and to learn about all of Hospice's services and benefits. 

The case manager was as kind in person as she was on the phone.  Patient and gentle, she explained the scope of the program and stated that Hospice "supports life."  She explained that Hospice assumes care when a doctor and patient agree to stop aggressive treatment, i.e., chemotherapy.  The woman told Sherryl that she (Sherryl) would be able to select her own case manager when the time comes.  Sherryl recalled the telephone conversation she'd had with the same woman with whom she was meeting, and she recalled this woman saying to her that she did not yet need their services.  Sherryl's response was, "If you're available, I'd like for it to be you.  You gave me a string to a balloon."

Hold on to that string, RaRa.  It's helium-powered hope.  That balloon will keep you and your spirits buoyed.  And we're all here to help you, too.

~xoxo~ 

Determined

The scan that was performed earlier this month revealed a small tumor in the hip joint, so daily radiation treatment to that area began last week and will end in two days.  In the meantime, chemotherapy has continued. 

Sherryl has been very tired the past few weeks and has spent much of the time in bed sleeping.  She continues to use a walker and, overall, she's feeling very weak.  Her radiation oncologist validated today that her body is exhausted, probably due to cumulative chemotherapy treatments.  Sherryl's oncologist is on vacation, so she'll see another oncologist this week.  It is not yet determined if she will be administered chemotherapy this week. 

Sherryl has sorely missed being at day care and has missed spending the holiday season with the children.  But the perkiness in Sherryl's voice is beginning to return, and she's determined to regain her strength.  Determined.  Resilience.

To join the little elf above in cheering her on, here is one of RaRa's favorite Christmas songs.   

~xoxo~ 

Home Sweet Home

Sherryl arrived home from the hospital Monday evening and is enjoying the comfort of her own bed.  She is cautiously moving about without her walker, and Richard took her out today for radiation treatment as planned.  She also spoke briefly with her radiology oncologist; radiation will continue daily for a couple of weeks.

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being low and 10 being high, Sherryl describes her level of pain today at a 2, which is a tremendous relief from the intensity of pain she felt just a couple of days ago. 

She's already making plans for how she'll spend her time at home until she can return to work.  There won't be any painting projects, but there will be much thinking and planning. 

Thank you all for your prayers and good wishes for RaRa.  We may use the same words to say it each time, but we can never thank you enough for your love and support of our sister.

~xoxo~   

Wiped Out

Living with cancer can be tricky and skillful navigation is required to get through the physical and emotional ups and downs.  All can be going relatively smoothly, and then the disease kicks hard.  Cancer has kicked Sherryl hard over the past several days.

Although she continues to push herself, Sherryl feels wiped out.  She's had Nupogen shots, but she's had nno chemo medications for 2 weeks.  She typically feels more energy during the off weeks of chemotherapy; that's not the case this cycle.  She's frustrated that she doesn't have the energy to do small tasks around the house. 

The PET scan is scheduled for this Thursday, and an appointment with the oncologist will be scheduled the following week.  For now, she's staying cool since there is a heatwave, and she's getting as much sleep as she needs.

Our family will celebrate the 4th of July holiday together, a tradition Sherryl began over 20 years ago.  We're all hoping Sherryl's energy returns by then so she can enjoy every moment of it again this year. 

~xoxo~ 

Tumor Marker is Up

Disappointing news, Sherryl's tumor marker increased from 107 on May 14 to 160 as of this past week.  Another PET scan, which is due about now anyway, will be scheduled for this week.  Sherryl will receive Nupogen shots next week and the next appointment with her oncologist is the first week in July. 

Although Sherryl has been tolerating CMF chemotherapy treatment relatively well, she has felt much fatigue the past several days.  As usual, she is paying close attention to her energy level and resting whenever necessary.

When Sherryl does have some energy during her free time, she spends a bit of time on the computer reading email or playing one of her favorite word games.  We know she loves Scrabble, and she also loves an AOL game called Word Zen. 

And when her energy is higher than expected, as it has been today, she talks a mile a minute, sounds as perky as ever, and takes on projects the likes of which would exhaust most of us.  Today, since her laundry room painting project is finished, she is cleaning out the very huge craft closet at home.

A very Happy Father's Day to all of the fathers who are RaRa fans!

~xoxo~   

She's Painting Again!

There is a song on the movie soundtrack for Miss Potter called "I'm Painting Again."  It's the perfect music for Sherryl this holiday weekend.  In the past three days she has gone to a paint store, selected two shades of gray, and painted her laundry room.  With Richard's help, appliances were moved out and back as Sherryl worked her magic with rollers and brushes.  She needs only to add to two cabinets adorable pink knobs she found at her favorite store, Anthropoligie.

Health-wise, Sherryl is getting over a little cold but is feeling pretty well during these two weeks of "no chemo" in this cycle.  She stayed home most of the weekend and, in addition to thoroughly enjoying her home project, got plenty of sleep and played a few games of Scrabble online.  

All in all, it's been a lovely holiday weekend, and the week ahead brings more cherished daily routine for RaRa: working at day care and spending time with family and friends.        

                                       ~ xoxo ~

Chemotherapy #4, Cycle #1

During the first month on a new chemotherapy medication, there are many unknowns.  Although specific side affects are indicated, the manner in which each patient responds varies.  

For the previous chemotherapy medication, Sherryl felt agitated during the first month, and then she felt fine.  During the first month of this new chemotherapy medication, Sherryl initially felt jittery.  Now she feels "funky" and "worn out."  She's not depressed and she's not tired.  She's just worn out. 

She's experiencing some nausea and has been given a medication to offset that specific side affect. As she rides out this first cycle of the new chemo cocktail, she continues to push herself while getting lots of rest, too.  It was a busy weekend, but lots of fun as we combined birthday celebrations for Nadine (March 1) and Haley (March 9).  Sherryl spent time with Austin and other friends, too.  

Sherryl has been busy the past few weeks and weekends, so she's decided to spend a full weekday at home this week.  No appointments and no plans.  She may dabble in a few craft projects, or she may not.  She may just rest all day.  If that's the case, she's let us know that she'll be taking "coffee breaks between naps."    

Tumor Marker Is Up

Sherryl learned today that thetumor marker is 168, up from 78 on January 23.  Sherryl is disappointed, but for some reason she had a feeling the number would be higher this time. 

Sherryl did not see Nancy today, but will see her on Thursday.  Discussions will involve whether or not Neupogen injections are influencing the tumor marker. 

Aside from this disappointing news today, Sherryl's spirits are good.  She is tired this week, so she is going to bed early every night. 

We will let you know more information as soon as it becomes available.

Excellent News: Tumor Marker Is Down!

Sherryl was scheduled for a round of chemotherapy today, and popped in to see Nancy prior to receiving her "cocktail."  Blood tests indicated that her white blood cell count was marginally low, so a slightly lower dose of the chemotherapy was administered.

As Nancy was studying the other numbers that came back from the lab, she said, "Hmm.  78."  When Sherryl asked what the 78 meant, Nancy told her that was the tumor marker.  Sherryl couldn't believe her ears: the tumor marker has dropped from 127 mid-December to 78 today! 

Sherryl told Nancy that, although she's getting far more sleep than she used to get, she's feeling better now than she did before she was diagnosed nearly 2 years ago.  For those who have not talked to RaRa, you should all hear the lilt in her voice tonight.  One of the sweetest sounds in the world. . .

Our cousin Marie is doing better these days, too, so we're happy for that reason as well!

In honor of Sherryl's birthday, the new year, and other changes underway, we've freshened up the design here with help from the talented Jo-Lynne over at DCR Design.  The hands in the banner at top are littler than they used to be in order to make room for more hands and more white space, and we picked a different font for the title.  We also made a few minor changes to the purple background, but not very many.  Those little hands finger-painted that background, after all, and, well, art is art.     

There will never be too many thank yous from us to you for all you have done to support Sherryl.  We are so very appreciative of every thought, prayer, and gesture of kindness you send her way.