Sherryl was not strong enough to leave home for her doctor's appointment today. When Richard called to cancel the appointment, it was decided that now is the time for Hospice services to begin. Another telephone call later, Hospice had arranged to make their first visit to Sherryl this morning.
The same RN case manager who last week met with Sherryl at the Hospice center made the house visit today and gathered all the information needed to formalize the transition away from aggressive medical treatment. In addition to the services the Hospice team provides, they will bring to Sherryl's house a small wheelchair and a bedside table. They will also, in collaboration with Sherryl's doctors, assume her medical care.
Sherryl has been sleeping for the past few days and felt "crummy" today. Her back is bothering her and her stomach is upset. She wants to feel better, but can't seem to shake these symptoms. She doesn't feel like having any visitors, and her spirits are fading.
Sherryl has been resting as much as possible the past several days. Her appetite is returning slowly, but she is experiencing some pain in her right hip. She has difficulty walking, still uses her walker, and wants to do more walking each day -- even if it's only around the house. She has an appointment with her oncologist this week and she's hoping the doctor will prescribe a mild medication for pain.
Sherryl contacted Hospice by phone and spoke with a nurse case manager who told her she did not yet need Hospice's care, but now is a good time to understand all the program has to offer. Sherryl scheduled an appointment at the Hospice Center the following week to meet with the case manager and to learn about all of Hospice's services and benefits.
The case manager was as kind in person as she was on the phone. Patient and gentle, she explained the scope of the program and stated that Hospice "supports life." She explained that Hospice assumes care when a doctor and patient agree to stop aggressive treatment, i.e., chemotherapy. The woman told Sherryl that she (Sherryl) would be able to select her own case manager when the time comes. Sherryl recalled the telephone conversation she'd had with the same woman with whom she was meeting, and she recalled this woman saying to her that she did not yet need their services. Sherryl's response was, "If you're available, I'd like for it to be you. You gave me a string to a balloon."
Hold on to that string, RaRa. It's helium-powered hope. That balloon will keep you and your spirits buoyed. And we're all here to help you, too.
Sherryl said she knew it was going to be a bad day when she stepped on the scale at her doctor's office and her weight had dropped to a number she hadn't seen since she was in her early teens. Then her oncologist told her the current chemotherapy is not working and that her tumor marker is over 900. He gently told her there are no more chemotherapies for her, and then he reminded her of a conversation they'd had a while back, one about a day when they would know there would be no more treatment.
Sherryl's oncologist told her it's now time to focus on the quality of her life. And he told her it's now time to contact Hospice. Sherryl has contacted them and has an appointment next week; she learned that she does not need their services yet. That news, coupled with the physical absence of medications, has given her spirits a boost. The precious-sounding lilt in her voice is audible, and she's talking about a craft project she wants to begin at home as soon as she feels a little bit better.
Sherryl has always wanted to "be at peace with cancer." She has never intended to give up and still does not feel completely defeated by the disease. But she understands the reality of her situation and will continue on this journey exhibiting a level of grace and dignity that is a lesson to us all.
Interpreted as a prayer for mercy during devastating times, Justin Timberlake and Matt Morris sang it live last month on TV during the Hope for Haiti Now concert. And k.d. lang sang it this past Friday night in Vancouver during opening ceremonies of the 2010 Olympic Winter Games. Sherryl didn't see either of those performances, but she did see the song performed by the Canadian Tenors on the Oprah Winfrey Show last week. She raved about this beautiful song and how moved the four tenors were when, as a surprise to them, Celine Dion joined them on stage mid-way through their performance. Sherryl loved that a huge surprise was planned and carried out, and she loved the beauty of Celine's voice soaring with the voices of the Canadian Tenors. But most of all, she loved the emotional reactions from each of the unsuspecting tenors as they discovered Celine had joined them on stage. Even during difficult times, Sherryl is focused on making people happy, delighting them.
This is a devastating time for our family, and we are being as brave as possible. We are trying to emulate Sherryl's resilience -- for her, and for the younger members of our family. But silently, we are each singing this prayer for mercy, too. Hallelujah.
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